no, he came in my armpit
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
