I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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