2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
