I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
