Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
