Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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