Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
