; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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