SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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