i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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