There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
