he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize