You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
