Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
