We need to rekindle our bromance
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
