she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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