a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
