Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're too hungover to prance.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
