i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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