He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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