all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
