i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
