He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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