my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They are going to name an STD after you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
