nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
