Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
