turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
