i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
