I think I died a long time ago.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Drake has all the answers
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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