Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
