I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
