you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
