Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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