We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
