I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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