I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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