I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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