WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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