I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
