I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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