I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
