the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
