what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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