obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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