Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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