Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
