remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
MIDGETS
????
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
