a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
