I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
