Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
