It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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