hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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