I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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