you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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