Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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