First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
