We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize