You're a womanizer and a bitch.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
