Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
