i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
