Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
