Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
