I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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