I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
