She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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