it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize