How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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