I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
