Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize