I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
