I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
